I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
