***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
