My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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