I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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