Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
