I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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