Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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