One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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