i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
