just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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