Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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