i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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