Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
