Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
