whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
