You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
