u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
