you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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