The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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