I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
