I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
