my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Holy shit dude........stairs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
