apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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