What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
