matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
