i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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