I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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