Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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