i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
