this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
