I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
MIDGETS
????
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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