i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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