the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
