I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just high enough for therapy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
