I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
