I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This house was built for laser tag.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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