great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
