He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
