Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
