check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
