i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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