Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
