Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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