ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, he came in my armpit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
