I wish I could teleport
I want to make a zoo with you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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