i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
