There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
