I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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