Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You dont lie about slip and slides
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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