He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
