We named our party play list daddy issues
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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