Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
