So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
