$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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