i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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