This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Michael Bay diarrhea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
