Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
