Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
