I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
