one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
