Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
