is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
