how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's official drugs can't kill me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
