I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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