doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
